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I DON'T WANT TO BE A FAT LESBIAN. So harsh. Soooo harsh. But we all think horrible things of ourselves no amount of gratitude and positivity can erase the cheeky human brain. I lost a bunch of weight with the above being my primary driver. I don’t want be a fat lesbian. Don’t get me wrong, I have always gravitated towards a life involving sport/athleticism and feel my soul is connected with this and pulled in the direction of a lifestyle involving a fit body and mind. The feeling of being able to physically output an intense amount of energy with strength/power and agility is a big YES for me. BUT, I started my ‘fitness journey’ in 2016 at maybe 120kg. Shit was real. At times it was shocking to see what I had created and began accepting as ‘just me’. When I decided to lose weight it was already a done deal. I love those moments and live for them. What I have only just come to realise is that my primary driver/reason for starting this somewhat successful journey of weight loss was a REACTION to a perceived future I DIDN’T want. Did it work? Sure, I am sitting here at 83kg’s. I loved the gym I was a part of. I was taught so much every session I went in. I learnt about exercise, I learnt about my fears, my triggers, how to be present, what is good pain what is bad pain and all that is in between. My mind was blown many times. I met people that taught me things that will change the course of my life. It was special. BUT I took action based on what I didn’t want my future to look like. It was a reaction. It was based in fear, if you really got down to the guts of it. Fear based action. This is like saying ‘ I don’t want to be like my parents so I am going to be ‘x’ . Again this works and yields results but I believe you need to check in every so often and question if you need to hold onto that fear anymore. What if you didn’t fear those things? What if you could base those decisions from a place of ‘ if I love myself what action would I take.’ ? It may be the same action it may not. CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

2020! Watchu wanna show us? Love everyone's GUTS xxxxx Happy New Year

This all happened so fast and unexpectedly! I feel so blessed up. @jademena84 pretty much did all the hard physical work to make this move happen while I tried to take it easy on my back. Thanks Beautiful, you are a dream xxxx

Full heart Al Dawg! @alexanderjlow

Hairstyle: Summer Salad Bowl This photo actually got me in the feels. Love you Little Lis'

What a dream, a new niece and nephew for us 4 weeks apart. Check out the little tribe of nieces and nephs! MY HEARRRT IS FULL 💗💗💙💙 #babies

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